Philippine Dream

Youngblood : European lessons

Theresa A. O. Esteban
Inquirer News Service

I LEFT Manila in October 2004 to study in Europe for one year. I was excited about the trip since it was the first time I would be living alone, without my mom and dad, my siblings and my dogs.

The day I arrived in Rotterdam, I immediately felt at home. It was so very much like the Makati or Ortigas business districts that I thought I wouldn't feel anything different. But while Rotterdam is one of those busy cities bustling with activity during the day, unlike Manila where the night likewise becomes as busy, it finitely goes to sleep. Although there are clubs, bars and pubs, it is not the same as either Makati or Manila's Malate district at night. Makati, Malate, Timog Avenue and the Libis area come alive at 9 p.m. when the happy hour begins and throb with life until the wee hours of morning.

Studying abroad is a true test of one's character, faith and stamina. I came to Holland wearing rose-colored glasses. Seeing some things for the first time, being thrown into a diverse mix of culture and values, especially in my international course, which has 74 students of 26 different nationalities and 101 extreme personalities, I said to myself this was going to be a great learning experience.

I studied in a school that also had American students. When I went to graduate school, I had German, Nepalese and Italian classmates. My mom trains and teaches foreign students, and I grew up meeting her students in functions and gatherings. As an adult, I have worked with Aussies, Americans, Kiwis, Britons and Germans. The first Dutch friend I had was a guy who worked with my mom in a training seminar for Indian participants. He wore funny Sesame Street socks and he gave me a pair. So, I thought that it would not make any difference if I had so many people of different nationalities for classmates.

I have a strong faith and I am levelheaded, but when St. Augustine said that man is innately good, he had not heard about our class.

My first three months was a roller-coaster ride. I got homesick from time to time, but I amused myself by going out with friends and attending parties whenever I could. Since I have had a sheltered life, I learned to trust other people and believed everyone to be my friend.

But soon the differences started to kick in. At first I thought that their seemingly brusque manner had to do with the language. But after three months, I knew it was more than that. When I started to complain to friend, who happens to be a priest, he told me the honeymoon was over.

Until then I didn't know that like snakes, people molt. I am quite tolerant. For a time, I tried to put to good use my training in psychology in an effort to understand them. The exercise led me to realize where they were coming from, but that still did not justify their actions and attitude toward other people. I became convinced that the problem was not being caused by their inability to carry on a proper discourse but by some basic character defect. We have colleagues who are not really very refined in their language but still they don't sound insolent. And so I said goodbye to tolerance.

I don't regret coming here. I love Holland. It is a beautiful country and the Dutch (or most of them, anyway) are a nice and kind people. I have two great Dutch friends with whom I can discuss almost anything, and I know a Dutch family I can always rely on. I am greatly indebted to the Dutch government for giving me the opportunity to study here.

In the past months, I have learned more about life and people. I have learned that sincerity does not always get repaid, and that the only person you can really count on is yourself.

I have also learned that friends should be carefully chosen. It is hard when you get hurt by so-called friends while you are away from home and you do not have a shoulder to cry on. But if you do find friends, take care of them and love them for they can be surrogate family.

Finally, I have learned to fight back. Asians are said to be submissive. There may be some truth to that, given the many centuries we had been colonized. But sometimes other people mistake our warmth and politeness for submissiveness. It is hard for us to be brutally frank, since we don't want to hurt other people's feelings. But when push comes to shove, we know how to fight back.

Certainly absence has made my heart grow fonder of Manila and the Philippines in general. Understanding my colleagues' behavior and where they are coming from has made me realize how lucky I am to grow up in a happy and peace-loving society. I feel proud when colleagues and professors from different countries refer to our People Power revolution as a true example of an empowered society and a peaceful revolution.

Studying in a different country has made me appreciate more my culture and my upbringing. I don't need to be loud and rude to assert myself. I know what I am capable of achieving. The society where I come from has already given me the opportunity to enrich myself as a person and as a professional. It has already given me security.

Studying in Holland has also made me feel proud of being Asian, seeing how my Asian colleagues can be so good and artistic in their presentations, how fast they can calculate financial and economic stuff, how good they are with computers, and most especially how good they are as friends.

Living in Holland has also made me dream of the time when the Philippines will become another Asian tiger. Holland had humble beginnings, but is now wealthier than many of its bigger neighbors. Maybe the Philippines cannot leap right away to the status of an Asian tiger, but we can be one of Southeast Asia's more progressive countries.

My stay here has given me the opportunity to work on a development project in the Philippines. I have very high hopes that my project will work and that I will finally realize my dream of helping the country that I love.

My experiences so far have left me with a bittersweet taste, but they were still very enriching.

Theresa A. O. Esteban, 28, is a student in urban planning and is enrolled at Erasmus Universiteit Rotterdam, the Netherlands.